For most families, Mother’s Day is filled with the tradition of presenting mothers with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers, sharing happy memories, and meeting a beautiful mother for brunch at the traditional breakfast café. For most families, it can be a happy and special day. However, there is another type of Mother’s Day that gets semi-celebrated, and semi-mourned, which is the Mother’s Day for children, teenagers, and young adults who have already lost their mother at such a young age.
For youth who have lost a mother, Mother’s Day can bring on all sorts of emotions. For some, it is bittersweet, as they remember the beautiful memories they had with their late mother in the short time they were able to spend together. For others, the pain is still fresh and might be hard to celebrate, as this might be only their first or second Mother's Day without their mother. Others might experience feelings such as jealousy when they see other children get to celebrate Mother's Day with their mothers while they are still dealing with the heartache of losing their moms.
Each Mother’s Day will be different for each grieving child. Some will want to go visit their late mother at the cemetery, while others might want to hide in their room all day with their headphones on and their blinds closed. Some will watch a movie they used to screen all the time with their late mother for comfort, while others might want to try to skip the whole day altogether. All of this is okay. Youth will cope with their grief in individual ways. No matter how the child wants to celebrate or not celebrate Mother’s Day this year, it is important that they have support around them to help them navigate this bittersweet time.
“Grief lasts a lifetime and Mother’s Day can still be difficult no matter how long ago the death happened. This is normal and grief is a healthy, human response to loss. The lead up to Mother’s Day, or other important days, can often be the hardest part. It may help to take part in activities that are comforting and supportive for at least a week before the holiday.” —Brennan Wood, Executive Director, the Dougy Center.
It can be helpful to talk to the grieving child or teen leading up to Mother’s Day to gauge how they are feeling about missing their mother, and about the upcoming day of celebrating mothers. Doing this beforehand can help prepare grieving children to navigate the day. If there is a movie the grieving child wants to see on Mother’s Day, caregivers can make sure they buy tickets early. If the child is sensitive to everyone else celebrating Mother’s Day, they can prepare to stay off social media and streaming services that day to reduce the volume of social media posts or Mother's Day ads they might see. By listening to what the grieving child or teen wants or how they are feeling about the upcoming holiday, caregivers, family members, and surviving parents can assist grieving youth better.
Here is a helpful tip sheet from the Dougy Center to help support grieving youth on Mother’s Day.
