When "It's Not Your Fault" Falls Flat: Grief & Guilt
May 28th, 2026 | Episode 354
In December of 2021, Sawyer was halfway through their final year of college in a world that was still reeling from the pandemic. Home for the holidays, Sawyer got the heartbreaking news that their older brother, Jason, had died by suicide - a before-and-after moment that continues to reverberate today.
Sawyer shares their nuanced perspective on grief, delving into how mental health, incarceration, and other systemic barriers impacted Jason's life and death. We also explore how the phrase, "It's not your fault," while well-intentioned, can leave little space for those who are grieving to truly reckon with both guilt and regret.
We discuss:
- Jason's artistry, love of cars, and enduring pride in Sawyer's academic accomplishments
- Navigating grief while finishing college and graduating
- The intersection of grief and institutional failures, including incarceration, a lack of stable housing, and inadequate mental health support
- How peer support - both formal and informal - gave Sawyer space to reckon with both grief and guilt
- The power of logistical support to help those who are grieving
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call 988, the National Crisis Line, or text HELLO to 741-741. Other resources include: The Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ youth (1-866-488-7386) and BlackLine (1-800-604-5841).
Resources Mentioned:
Want to learn more about supporting children and teens who are grieving? Sign up for our online courses here: https://classes.dougy.org/
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Dougy Center, through the Grief Out Loud podcast, is committed to learning from and sharing diverse perspectives on grief experiences and grief support. The views expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the positions of Dougy Center, its staff, or its Board of Directors.